Rambles

Maddox turns 4 in a little less then a week! I can't believe it! I remember last year...I got to stop doing that. I have to stop thinking about this year and then remembering when my life was normal cause this is the new normal.

I hate this new normal. I miss my old normal. I hate that I miss Bailey still after all this time. I hate that hearing his voice still makes me long for him. Not long for him in some weird sexual way but as in I am home after a long day. As in the weather is hot and we are going to go and get ice cream way.

He and I have been trying to be friends and while that is best for our children it is hard to be friends with someone whom you love with all your heart and soul. Have I mentioned that I hate that I still love him.

I have a friend who said it took her 7 years to get over her 2 year marriage-I'm screwed........

Graysen and Maddox have been going to daycare, I take back the love I know when I hate him it is that hour after I drop that boys off and I am off to work...I hate him then! YES THAT IS PROGRESS!!!! They are liking it better but I hate it. I never wanted that type of life. Never say never huh?

I have a new favorite song and my favorite line from that song is...Next time you say forever I'll punch you in the face. That is my motto for today, tomorrow, and always!