Blowing in the wind

So this past Tuesday I cut my babies hair and I am heart broken. The little baby fluff of curls are gone. I am hoping not forever and that when it grows it still grows curly. I didn't want to cut them off but the hairdresser did by "mistake". The difference is night and day, he looks so grown up. My baby is gone and there is a toddler in front of me. It makes me feel just simply sad. It makes me miss the little baby that he was and makes me want another baby so bad. Then last night, at Bay's company holiday party, I was asked if we were going to have any more kids and I went on for 10 minutes how I would love to have another one right now but the timing is not right blah blah blah. Hearing me say this some what upset me and I thought is there ever a right time to have a baby? Is anything ever picture perfect when you have a baby? No...things are always confusing, hard, lonely, scary, fulfilling, and the best reason blissful.

I have to brag about my darling hubby, Bailey. I am such a lucky girl to have found him. He is truly my perfect match...We have such a connection, such a draw to be with each other. To have him around me makes me so happy and I count down the time until I get to see him when he is at work. I wish we had tons of money so he didn't have to work so we could be together everyday. Last night I had way too much to drink at his company's dinner. Well it was more the after party at the bar down the street with just a few friends from work. And I drank! I get sick on the way home and puke with my head out the window. It was gross. He carried me in and helped me shower before sending me to bed. I woke up this working still all groggy and yucky!!! It really sucked!!! Bay took the boys to the Chiropractor with him and I asked him to get Togo's-cause only that will help my hangover! Not thinking that it was only 830 in the morning and Togo's is NOT open. After an hour and a half I called Bay asking him where he and the boys were, and he tells me that they are waiting for Togo's to open at Twin Pines Park and to go back to bed and sleep!!! I was never MORE in love with him when I hung up.

After re-reading my declaration to the world I noticed that I type SO a lot....Soooo does this mean I say SO a lot when I talk. I removed them all! I will have to pay attention to myself when I am talk to see.

Santa and the babies

So yesterday we go to see Santa and the whole time we are walking there Graysen is telling Bay and myself how he is going to sit on Santa's lap and tell him he wants the Sesame Street tools and Santa is going to say ok and say Ho ho ho...Maddox is singing Ho ho ho...Bay and I are hopeful that we will get a pic of the boys with Santa. We get there....... Graysen's legs are stiff and we have to nudge him a little to walk up to Santa. Maddox is fine. Graysen gets in Santa's lap and is stiff as a board and can't/won't speak. Maddox looks at Santa gives this nervous smile looks around and starts to cry! He looks at me and stops looks at Santa starts. We get a few pictures. Santa asks Graysen what he wants and Graysen yells Elmo Tools then jumps off and runs away! LMAO!!!
We got three different pics the two where Maddox is not crying the boys look so scared and then the other and last one Maddox is crying. :)

Mystery Mom

So my mother's anniversary of her death is coming up...It is crazy how much I miss her. I never thought since giving our history that I would...But my heart yearns for her, yearns for a mother I never had. The mother I dreamt and wished I did.
I was trying to remember her voice the other day and I can't. I can't think of anything she would of said. I can't think of the way she stood or how she brushed her hair. I can't tell you anything about her, but she was my mother and no matter what her mind was telling her or what mood she was in all SHE ever wanted was to be a mother, wife, and have this perfect life. And she loved me more then anyone in this world. Much more then she ever loved herself. And good or bad everything she did was for me.