Tonight is really the first time in seven years that I have been without Bailey. It is the first night at his new place. There is an overwhelming grief inside me. Part of me wants him to call me and tell me he is sorry and that he needs me...wants me. Needs and wants everything that we have built together. That he is sorry and wants to make everything work. And then there is this part of me that wants him to be alone in an apartment surround by his mother's things and being miserable. Hurting more then I am hurting.
I know that everything happens for a reason and there is a master plan to this life that I waddle through but it is hard when you don't have a map showing you which way to go.
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Oh honey, this is a very dark period. There is not much I can say to make it better, only to encourage you to give yourself the space you need to feel all these things. That saying about the only way out of something is through it? I believe it.
I know very well that feeling of wanting him to be sorry and miserable. He most likely is. He may not show or tell you, but chances are high that he is.
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