Wow! It has been two years since my grandma passed away. I will always be able to count the days as I add another year on to my son's age. That hurts. It seems wrong. It's not fair. I try not to think about the fact that two weeks to the day Maddox was born she was gone.
There are times when it feels like she is still alive and I can pick up the phone to call her. There have been a few times when I have dialed that old familiar phone number and still after two years no one has it. There are times when the emptiness and pain of knowing she is gone is as raw and fresh as the day she died. And there is a guilt as I go on with my life where I don't think about her and it is like I never knew her at all. It is hard to think that I have the rest of my life without her. Or that Graysen and Maddox will never know her love for them. Will never hear her voice and passion as she prays for them or the soft shyness of her singing. Will never hear her potty mouth that made you laugh. Or will never play a April Fool's joke on her just to scare her. Or will never argue with her. Those are the same things that I will never get to do too.
It is true now that she is gone there isn't anyone who loves me enough cause she loved me more then anyone. I am grateful that I knew that love. That I was shown that love and I can love others with that same intensity no matter what they do, who they are, where there from.
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