Deep Thoughts

It isn't like he has asked me to stop or anything BUT....Sometimes when I feel sad, or the over whelming feeling of missing Bailey overcomes me I text him these sad, semi pathetic, full of sobs texts.
I also NEED to stop calling him and having those same texts but in real conversation. Those we do dance back back and forth together. He cries, I cry. I make every declaration of my heart to him and he tells me he is hurting too. I know that he probably is but it is HARD to believe cause I feel like I am the one who was left and tossed to the side like garbage. I feel like I would never of done this to him. And I don't understand WHAT I DID. This whole separation/divorce thing has really brought up some family issues that I have been burying deep down inside. The feelings of anger and sadness from being left by both my parents. I feel like man I must suck as a person if everyone leaves me....They run away. Maybe it is me....

When husbands and wives separate do they really stop all communication? I mean this is stupid but does that deep down friendship have to end? Do we really choice sides? Is there a my team his team? Are we destined to be enemies? Cause I still want that friendship we had. I still want to call him and talk about the day. I still want to know how his dad is. And if his grandma is ok.
I still want daily contact. I still want him to come home.

The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain

Pain has entered my life like a thief in the night...Opening the drawers of my heart and dumping them to the ground. Taking my memories-the good, the bad, and stomping them to pieces. It hurts to breath, it hurts to hold air in my lungs. It hurts to lay in bed and it hurts to join the world. It hurts to eat but yet it hurts to have my stomach growl. I feel alone in a room full of people and yes that hurts.