Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer had a very dirty nose!!!

So all this bitching and moaning made me forgot..My baby had his first school performance! And while it was short I loved each moment that my almost 5 year old stood there singing his heart away! And for a short moment Bailey and I stood arm to arm and we were a family again. We beamed as our son, our first really great thing, our heart and soul wore a Santa hat and walked back and forth on a makeshift stage.

Last Friday night Graysen's school has their "Gingerbread House Night". We decorated (and may I add had the best) Gingerbread house and then Graysen along with his class sang Must Be Santa and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Each kid wore a green santa sweatshirt they had made and had a differetn part for the must be santa song. I am not sure what Graysen's part was cause he wore a Santa's hat and walked back and forth smiling behing all the kids. He was the star of the show!!! :)

Miracle on Elm Street

So something magical has happened some how $170.00 has been deposited into my checking account. I called the bank and all they can say about it is that it was a cash deposit today...I know it wasn't Bailey cause I HAD to give him 40 bucks cause he didn't have any money.

So however you are if you are reading this THANK YOU! You let us splurge on some garlic- chicken pesto pizza, and I am going to use it to pay for a storage unit! Yo see that 170. was like a dream come true! Thank you!

All My hopes and dreams

I always thought that I would have this picture perfect marriage and family. I thought that my childhood had been bad enough that I had put my "time in" and I was going to have all I wanted, hoped, and dreamed for as a child. I would be that 1950's housewife and we would have 2.5 children and a dog.





I thought what Bailey and I had built together was perfect minus the .5 and dog. I don't know where it all went wrong, I don't know what was so bad that I did.





I am so lonely without him. His side of the bed as lost his scent and that hurts. I have to be out of my house on the 23 of December, which is funny cause that is the day Bailey and I met. A day we always celebrated almost even more then we thought about your wedding anniversary. I am so scared I have no idea what is going to happen. What am I going to do with all my stuff? How am I going to pack it all in a few short days?

I am living my worst fear: Being Alone.....

Can you write yourself a check?

So before I rip myself a new one I want to give myself a small pat on the back! I have been doing very good on living on very little since Bailey left! The lights are on and we have full bellies but this week I made a HUGE mistake and I am paying that I don't bounce like a ball all throughout San Carlos! I have overspent.....And I have three checks out and I am praying that all three don't go in at the same moment in time! To make matter worse these are checks to Graysen's school! So everyone pray with me. PLEASE CHECKS DON'T GO IN THE BANK UNTIL NEXT FRIDAY WHEN THERE WILL BE MONEY IN THE BACK TO COVER EVERYTHING! I am so stupid I can't believe I did this!

I live a real life version of If you Give a Mouse a.....

Tonight the boys and I bundled up and went on a walk looking at Christmas lights, we have a 2 block stretch of houses that place lights on every free space of their houses. It is really pretty and fun to take the kids there... Plus I really enjoy brunt retinas Eye sight is so overrated!

I tried to compose myself as best as I could cause OF COARSE going there made me sad (can I mention for a moment that I am a tad bit sick of being so damn sad all the time and I am TRYING not too be...) and I would make this big deal about the wind and cold making my eyes water. :)

On our way back home we made a pit stop at Starbucks to get hot chocolate and something yummy. I am pushing Maddox in the stroller and Graysen is walking behind us; he tells me that he has to pee. Now it isn't a "Hey mom I have to use the bathroom" it is a " I HAVE TO PEE SO BAD OHHHHHHHHHH I HAVE TO PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MAMA THE PEE IS GOING TO COME OUT AND I AM GOING TO FREEZEEEEEEE CAUSE MY PANTS WILL BE WET WITH PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Me: "Oh Graysen honey if you have to pee so bad let's walk on the sidewalk quickly and not didly dadly"

Graysen as he is climbing on the teeny tiny ledge to walk to the plank while trying not to spill his hot chocolate "Oh but Mama I love didly dadlying"

I had to stop and laugh it was funny....So we walked the plank which reminded Maddox that he likes to walk planks too so he had to climb out and hold onto his drink and walk only to then scream cause Graysen was first and he was first last time when they walked the plank. Which made Graysen stop so that Maddox could spiderman over him cause YES HE DID WALK THE PLANK FIRST LAST TIME which made Maddox bump into him cause he wasn't looking and spill his chocolate, which then reminded Graysen that he had to pee and was going to pee his pants.....The whole time this is going on I can see our house and I got the bright idea to tell the boys that if we got home in two minutes we could watch The Grinch movie. Which only led to a fight over who liked the Grinch more....We finally made it home dry pants and all!

Happy Holidays!